If I’m [blank], I’m not eating

I’ve been on a prolific tear lately with my writing.  Which is to me, over the past few years, unusual.  I do remember, back when I had an active LiveJournal, there were times when I could post an entry a day, or even several entries in a day, the ideas were just simmering in my brain.  Too, if I’m occupied at the computer, it’s unlikely that I’m laying on the couch, watching something and mindlessly shoving food in my mouth.

So for the time being, I’m going with it.  Too, it helps to have this blog, which is more of what I would call ‘vanilla’ bent, than the kinky one that I maintain on a separate website.  There are just more things that happen to me, or I encounter in a day that fit one side of me, than the other.  I have aspirations, that over time I’m hoping they at least come to be even, but for now, this is what I got.

Weight has been an issue for me since about the age of 19.  In my youth, and secondary/high school days, I was thin as a rail, but I attribute a lot of that to my mother, who was a trained dietician.   She managed to keep us on an even keel when it came to food, and though sweets were not an unknown, they were controlled, so we didn’t succumb to our baser instincts and go wild.  I remember vividly one of my first days at school, when I saw what some of the other kids brought for their lunch.  I looked at my thermos of milk, my ham sandwich and an apple and wondered who really had the better meal?  Too, back in 1971, schools still served hot lunches and large food conglomerates didn’t have a toehold on what kids consumed in public schools.  Snack cakes, sugary sodas and other goodies were an unknown.  Even something as innocuous as bottled water wasn’t available.  If you wanted water, there was a fountain near the entrance of the building.

Around about the time I went to college, my eating habits were changing drastically.  Even though my mother had schooled me on what was right, and what was not necessarily right to eat; I had my own preferences in what I liked to consume and what I didn’t.  I was never a big fan of corned beef and cabbage, I much prefer dark meat to white when it comes to either chicken or turkey, and things like bacon and ice cream are huge stumbling blocks for me.  I remember when cookies and cream came out commercially, in 1983.  (It may have come out earlier elsewhere, I just remember the frenzy that happened while I was in the dining hall.  Believe me, it was pretty surreal) Overnight, it was the most popular flavor on campus.  Nobody could get enough of it.  And with the dining hall not really having any rules about quantities, so long as you flashed your dining card, you could eat as much as you wanted.  And boy, did we ever.  I don’t recall what my weight was when I was a freshman, but I pretty much remember that I gained about 80 lbs in my first year of college.  And things went downhill from there.  I did join the crew team when I was a sophomore, but I only stayed on the team for about half a semester.  By Spring, I was done.  The cachet was mostly lost on me over the winter, since it’s a Fall and Spring sport.  Endless workouts, and no time in the shells, because duh, it’s winter.

Post college, I ended up weighing about 250-270 lbs.  And I’ve not fluctuated from that ever since.  The most I ever weighed was 311, back in 2011, when I was unemployed.  Going back to work helped, I ended up losing about 30 lbs in the first year or so once I was back in the job.  It was physical labor, so I wasn’t sitting around the house so much, and it was 3rd shift work, so I was sleeping during the day.  Sometimes sleeping when I got home, sometimes going to bed at 2-3 in the afternoon, rising at 10 or 11 at night depending on when my shift was.  When my job description changed in 2014, it was still physical labor, just slightly different as I wasn’t stocking shelves exclusively anymore.  I was now working in the meat department, which involved a lot of walking, a good deal of repetitive hand movements and some lifting of boxes in the meat locker.  Granted it was (and is) pretty cold in the department, but cold has never really been one of those things that bother me greatly.  Or at least it used not to be.  There are times when I’m downright freezing in there, but at least we have a sink that has hot water.  20-30 seconds of that and I’m good to go again.  That, and dressing warmly for the job.

I’ve been weighing myself every few days, or when I remember to.  In the past 7 years my weight has fluctuated 4-5 lbs between weigh-ins.  The few times I got serious about exercising outside of work, and trying to lose weight, the lowest I ever got was about 262.  Soon after, I couldn’t manage to stay on the plan and regained the weight I lost.  So my ‘baseline’ if you will, is somewhere between 270 and 275.  I’d like very much to weigh less, but I know its going to be a huge undertaking.

I’m fairly resistant to change.  So it takes me awhile to get behind something of this magnitude.  I know it will make things better in the long run, and many things will be easier as I get older.  I just have to make the decision to do it, and then stick with it.  Fortunately, I have a good support team behind me.  That helps.

That and staying off the couch.