Detached

Sometimes you can feel a little detached from your family.  Everyone has that feeling from time to time, either because there’s been something that separates you from them, or there’s been an argument or some other issue that has created the separation.  With me, the feeling of detachment is from my birth family, where I’m very much the very essence of a fifth wheel since I wasn’t known very well to them until a little over 2 1/2 years ago.

As I’ve mentioned in my other blog, I was adopted back in 1965.  My adoptive parents gave me as much information as they had about my birth mother, which admittedly wasn’t all that much.  I was one of those ‘accidental’ babies, born out of wedlock and apparently, my mother was in her late teens or early 20’s and wasn’t able to afford to have a baby.  Too, there was an issue of location, as I was born in Indiana, not where I grew up.  So my birth mother was shipped off to a relative so that the neighbors would be none the wiser about what was going on.  I suppose in retrospect that was more diplomatic than another (but illegal at the time) option.

In February of 2017, I was reacquainted and reinserted into my birth family, albeit from afar.  My birth mother still lives in the same general area where she grew up, my half-brother and his family live not too far away from her.  I have a half-sister who lives with her family in Virginia, but as of yet I’ve neither met her nor her husband and now two children.  We’ve engaged a couple of times over both Facebook and a video chat, but that’s about it.  Since I’m a half-sibling and considerably older (approximately 20 and 25 years their senior) I expect when our mother finally passes on that will pretty much be the end of any contact with them.  Our mother really is the only central connecting point, and since I didn’t grow up with either of them, I can understand if they find the whole thing to be a little awkward.

I have visited my birth mother where she lives and spent several days in the area.  I met my niece and nephew, but I don’t think they were entirely impressed with me.  My half-brother’s wife I waved to from afar, but for the most part, I spent all the time with my mother and her husband (not my father, my birth mother never married the guy that provided the material to create me, fwiw).  He’s a nice fellow and they seem to have a happy marriage, which is a positive thing.  I definitely want my mother to be happy.  Though as she has mentioned, she’s glad that she knows where all her ‘chicks’ are now since she spent the better part of 50 years trying to figure out where I ended up.

All in all, I don’t really know what all is going to happen when the time comes.  I did make one thing clear to her though, I definitely do not want her changing her will to include me.  I don’t believe it would be fair to her full-blooded offspring to have to share an inheritance with me.  My adoptive parents made a good amount of sacrifices on my own behalf, and I’m not really well off because of their decisions, but I’m making my own way in the world, and am working diligently toward my own eventual retirement. So it would be preferable that she provides for them, not me.   Not really certain what she’s going to do, as she didn’t give me a definitive answer when I made the point to broach the subject about a year ago.

At any rate, my family situation is a bit weird.  At least it seems a bit weird to me.

Your comment or viewpoint is always welcome.

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